


Looking For Natasha

by couldbecourfeyrac



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Multi, analyze natasha romanoff so much itll be nuts, and this is just mostly pain, clint is deaf and doesnt have a fam, enjoy motherfuckers, if you dont cry i wrote it wrong, im going to apologize for how sad thisll be now, im going to rip them to shreds, oh yeah also bruce and nat are best friends, pick apart their relationships, sharon and tony are cousins, so im sorry, so the avengers are still a thing, theyre all not straight, this is a magical au where aou never happened and wanda doesnt exist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 10:29:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16016033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/couldbecourfeyrac/pseuds/couldbecourfeyrac
Summary: The Black Widow is a legend, made up of half-truths and masks and blood and pain. You think you know her, but you can't, no one can.But even legends can't escape death.ORIn which Natasha's family realizes they never really knew her at all, and she pays the price for her lies.





	Looking For Natasha

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the amazing jess](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+amazing+jess).



_Natasha moved swiftly through the air, her hands outstretched to grab the edge of the catwalk dangling in front of her._

Clint stared numbly at the white wall of the SHIELD facility, the paperwork ignored for now as his brain scrambled frantically to come to terms with what had happened. Natasha was- She- No. No no no no no no. She was Natasha Romanoff. She was the Black Widow. He had seen it wrong, he had to have, and in a moment she would round the corner and walk up to him, some witty comment on her lips.

He looked up, almost having convinced himself that she would be there, but he was met only with empty space.

Empty space, where a brilliant, fiery badass should have been.

He didn’t think he could survive the rest of his life without her.

_She barely snagged the metal bar with one hand, and her grip slipped dangerously, dangling her over a drop too far and too dark for her to be comfortable anywhere near._

Maria buried her head in her hands, holding back the tears that were already forming as the news started to sink in.

Her best friend was dead.

She would never see her again, would never laugh with her over a glass of wine, would never tell her about how cute Sharon looked.

She would never get a chance to say all the things she’d always wanted to say.

Maria had two options now.

Break down, or bottle it up and finish reviewing the files in front of her.

She didn’t even hesitate, quickly calling Fury before picking up her pen again and doing what she did best: work.

_She started to pull herself up, summoning the last of her energy that remained as she tried to climb onto the catwalk._

Fury hung up on Maria, his face neutral and unaffected as the news sunk in.

He should be grieving, he knew.

He loved Romanoff like a daughter, he should have been at least feeling guilty for sending her on the mission.

But he couldn’t. Not really.

She wasn’t dead. His instincts told him that she wasn’t dead, and it wasn’t just because of some delusional hope, either. He never hoped for something this ridiculous.

But if anyone could single-handedly pull off a lie that big, it would be Natasha Romanoff.

_She was almost on top of it, so close to safety that she could already see herself back at home, when the first bullet hit._

Sharon’s coffee mug hit the floor and shattered, but it barely registered.

She stared at the television screen, her eyes wide and terrified, ignoring the concerned whispers of the other agents.

‘LEGENDARY BLACK WIDOW REPORTED DEAD.’

“Oh, God. Oh my god.”

Agent 13 turned on one heel and walked out of the room, coffee and work forgotten.

She couldn’t let them see her cry.

_The flare of pain in her right shoulder was almost enough to make her let go and fall._

Bruce felt the tears streaming down his face, felt the green appearing in his veins before he even completely understood what he had just been told.

Out of all the Avengers-yes, _all_ of them, the god and the supersoldier included-Natasha was the last one he ever thought would-would _die._

She was untouchable, the deadly queen, full of hidden smiles and pranks and laughter and being one of the best damn friends he had ever had the pleasure of having.

And that was just _gone._

He curled up slightly, leaning into Thor’s touch when he wrapped him into a tight hug, barely processing what he was doing through the grief and rage that was tinging his vision red-or, more accurately, bright, deadly green.

_She heard Clint shouting to her somewhere above, could feel him frantically trying to keep his eyes on her as he fought._

Pepper’s nails dug into her palm as she read the report, the shock slowly fading away and being replaced with pure, overwhelming grief.

She was prepared for everything, or so she had thought. She had to be. She had to be organized, in control, she had to have her shit together and be good at what she did.

She could never be prepared for this.

Love and feelings and people were the variables she couldn’t control, ones she had never been able to control and had never really wanted to control. She liked being surprised by the people she loved, enjoyed the thrill of it. Enjoyed the freedom of not being expected to decide and get everything right.

But now?

For once in her life, Pepper Potts wished she could have controlled all of this.

She would have cried less, then.

_Another bullet hit her left leg._

Sam wrapped Steve into a tight hug, holding him close as they both struggled to process the news.

Natasha was…something else.

She was untouchable, Sam had thought.

She was too good to get killed, Steve had thought.

They had both been wrong.

But still, it seemed unreal-surely it had been another agent who had died, it couldn’t have been _their_ Natasha, she was supposed to be there to tease Steve for being old and call Sam an idiot with a soft smile on her face.

She was supposed to just _be._

_And the pain was overwhelming, flooding her senses and-she wouldn’t survive the drop, she knew she wouldn’t, she only had to hold on for a little longer…_

Tony’s hands started to shake uncontrollably as he zeroed in on what Rhodey had just said, the rest of his words disappearing in a haze of pain.

‘Natasha, she…she died.’

She died.

Died.

It was almost funny, the fight she must have put up being described in one simple word. Natasha could never be described with one word, she was too complex and everchanging.

But what happened to her could be.

That didn’t seem quite right to him.

Well, nothing did, not anymore, not now that he was living in a world where the Black Widow could be killed, one where he would be able to survive losing the woman who was his sister in all but blood.

Of course, Tony doubted that this was a world where he would survive it.

_Natasha Romanoff let go anyways._

Bucky nodded coolly to the agent who had delivered the report, managing to keep a blank expression until the man left the room, managing to keep a blank expression until he got to the cause of death and it all became _too much._

She had _fallen._

Of all things, she had fucking _fallen,_ just like he had off of that goddamn train that had delivered him to Hell itself.

And he had never even gotten to tell her that he remembered her. That he remembered _them._

He got her back, just to lose her again.

Must’ve been what she felt like when she understood that he didn’t remember her, and, God, he wish he had, because he’s sobbing and everything’s aching and this is a new addition to the alphabet of pain that’s been carved into his body over the years, and addition that he will never, ever forget, one that will always hurt him, and he knows that it will.

He’d never realized how lost he was without her.


End file.
